another night, i devour the sun
2026-03-20
This story requires some immediate context.
Basically, I got into this friend group not long ago. About a month or two. Somewhere in January. As cringe as it sounds I've "climbed" the social ladder and am now firmly in the inner group of this collection of people which comes with some interesting stories.
There was this one couple (I'm sure you see where this is going). I thought they were lesbians at first cause the guy is built like a beanstalk and looks like a transvestite. Anyway. Suddenly the girl says she can't make it. She had recently followed me on Instagram so I ask her like, hey, whats up. She was adamant about not coming since she didn't want to go alone and she didn't feel like cosplaying but I convinced her to go anyway and said I'd pick her up.
I go and pick her up and it turns out her boyfriend beat her. Her day basically got entirely dumpstered because of it and understandably so of course.
That was kind of the end of that for a bit until recently. Turns out this guy also cheated on her which is insane. I ended up talking to this girl a lot and consoling her through all of it which was both heartbreaking and also infuriating at the same time. The shit some men do should have them facing the wall.
I definitely think she has feelings for me because I'm being kind to her when she's emotionally vulnerable which is how the last guy got into her pants but while I'm attracted to her at a very base level I don't think I'll ever let it get to any point where we fuck or have a relationship or whatever. I'm not looking forward to the conversation either way.
Slight misunderstanding
2026-03-12
Turns out that girl is 17. I was under the impression she’s older because everyone else in my friend group is 20+ LMAOOOO fuck that shit.
I feel like a degen but oh well
2026-03-11
I spent all night up playing some dating sim game. The story was pretty good honestly. I liked some of the characters. It was a porn game basically but honestly I was shocked at the quality of the writing.
On sharing this website
2026-03-10
Had a bizarre thought. I think the only person I'll ever willingly share this website with (while I'm alive) is my future significant other, but only after marriage. I don't want to risk this safe-space. I don't want it to be tainted. But at the same time, I wish to share this space.
Not necessarily share the domain or the website, but share my thoughts. These posts are often written during my more contemplative moments. It's currently 6 AM, for example, and I have accidentally pulled an allnighter working on this. hah. Sucks to be me, I guess, but I'm currently unemployed anyway so who gives a shit...
Point is, I don't think I'll share this with anyone unless I know for a fact they're gonna be with me for a long time, if not for life. i don't like making assumptions that people are around for life. Because it has been consistently proven that this is just not going to happen. First, my dad, then Evelyn, and I'm 100% sure my mother is next. She looks... awful, these days. Physically. Mentally she's getting worse too, I'm sure.
I can't do anything. I feel helpless. I hope I'll have better people around me when that time comes.
The website
2026-03-10
I've been thinking about what I want to do with this website, and just how much I want to expand it and what kind of features I'd like it to have. I don't know if I actually ever will work out a lot of the features or add any new ones truth be told.
I like the idea of adding something like a music player, or a custom cursor or whatever. Maybe some fancy effects or some shit. Add more pages, make a fancier landing page. I don't know if any of that is gonna happen, though. I kind of like the pragmatic approach I'm taking.
Everythings just going wrong.
2026-03-10
Everything is falling apart man. It just seems to be one problem after another.
I started talking to this girl though. I can't really tell if I like her or not but we like a lot of the same things. She isn't immediately my type looks wise, but, hey, maybe this develops into something.
A change in course
2026-03-05
Been thinking lately. I'm giving myself 5 weeks (the amount of time I'll be getting compensated for getting fired) to find a job in IT. If I haven't gotten to that in time, I'm just going to swap careers. It is fucking impossible to find a junior position in IT and I hate this shit anyways.
I figured 2026 was gonna be a filler year where I just do nothing except chill and stack paper but I guess the world had other plans for me. Interesting to see where it goes. Hopefully somewhere nice where I make decent cash...
Life sure is funny.
2026-03-04
This last week has been less than stellar.
I lost my job. My first ever position, one that I was frankly lucky to have in the first place. I worked at a hospital on the IT team and I had a pretty good position, making good money, but I didn't really get trained. Over time I started falling behind and got fired for not meeting performance standards. It sucks, but I saw it coming. I wish I had started looking for stuff earlier but oh well.
Then today, while I was driving across the province, I busted my tire. Had to call in my mom to bring a jack (which I didn't have at the time)
Thankfully we lived close. Something like 15 different people must've passed by me and none of them offered help, they were just annoyed at me being stuck on the road. Really fun. I greatly enjoy the people who live here, and I certainly don't wish them any kind of inconvenience.
It's funny. I always go out of my way to help, to aid people. To ensure their lives are even a little, tiny bit better than before they met me. It's a shame that same luxury isn't extended outwards to me. Oh well. I'll keep doing what I do.
Hopefully I find a job soon. Frankly I'm worried for myself if I don't. I don't know what I'll do. Back to school, maybe. Who knows.
The first night
2026-03-04
Well, I've gone and done it.
Finally, a workable version of this website that I can actually scale up into something real and tangible. And look at me, hah! Writing my first diary entry already. I wonder how many visitors I've had so far, if I had to guess, it'd be abso-fucking-lutely zero of them. There's some comfort in that. I mean, ultimately, this is juts for myself. I have some social features planned but this really is more of a fire-and-forget type website for myself where I wouldn't have to pay attention to any kind of public.
Oh well. Good night.
